


Choices to Protect

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Asexual Character, Cinnamon Roll Dirk Gently, Cuddling & Snuggling, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Shapeshifting, Todd Brotzman is a Good Boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 21:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16605584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Todd's life is perfect, aside from the fact Mona is being extremely passive-aggressive towards him. It's a shock to realise she is trying to keep Dirk safe, from him.





	Choices to Protect

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to L for their help with editing, and V for her encouragement.  
> Please pay attention to the warnings - whilst there is nothing graphic here, there is discussion about sexual assault.

Really, life was going well for Todd. More than well. Better than he ever could have imagined. He got to wake up every morning beside his eccentric, infuriating, wonderful partner, he had a job he actually enjoyed, friends that he trusted, and he was back on speaking terms with his sister. Everything was great.

Well, almost everything.

Because he was beginning to suspect that he'd managed to piss off the shapeshifter that shared their house.

Todd understood people being angry with him. It happened a lot, it was just that normally he deserved it. Mona seemed to have taken against him for no reason. He'd done nothing wrong. Worse, she was clever about it, and he couldn't be entirely sure any of it was happening.

It was... like, the cup incident. He'd made himself some coffee in the morning, and then let it cool on the counter for a bit. When he picked it up, the cup had cracked, pouring warm coffee on him, and he'd thrown the cup in the trash and tidied up. Only when he looked back in the trash later, the cup wasn't there.

And then there had been times when chairs had seemed to move, or files relocated themselves around the office. Mona seemed fine with everyone else, but when he entered the room she would immediately become an object, even if she was halfway through a sentence. And when she was in her doll form she would turn around so she wasn't looking at him.

So she was being ridiculously passive aggressive, and the problem was Todd didn't know what he'd done wrong, or how he could possibly repair it. He didn't want to mention it to Dirk. He knew Dirk and Mona were close, that they adored each other, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt Dirk's feelings or make him feel Mona wasn't wanted. It was just... she was acting like a child, and it was driving Todd insane.

He had to work out what was going on before someone got hurt.

***

Todd woke up to find that Dirk had got cuddly during the night, his head resting on Todd's chest. Todd smiled slightly, brushing his fingers through Dirk's hair. Dirk groaned and shuffled deeper into the blankets.  
"It's cold," Dirk mumbled plaintively. Todd tried to twist to kiss his forehead, but he couldn't quite reach, so he just blew a kiss through the air.  
"That's what you get for not wearing pyjamas."  
"You're not cold," Dirk pointed out, his hand poking Todd's ribs.  
"I'm used to it." Todd answered, wrapping a blanket around him. "You still tired?"

Dirk nodded, and Todd reached out, searching the bedsheets until he found Dirk's pyjamas. He handed them over, going to fetch some coffee for himself, and tea for Dirk. He grabbed the coffee jar and went to unscrew the lid. The lid spun around, but didn't lift up. He tried again, and again, with the same result. He shook the jar, and it rattled, but no coffee was coming out and the lid wasn't lifting off. He looked at the jar more closely, and frowned. According to the label, it was made in Araybeeah. He continued to look, finding more spelling errors. He sighed, tipping the jar upside down and carrying it into their bedroom, placing it onto the bed.

"Todd, that isn't coffee. That's like, the raw ingredient that leads to coffee."  
"Talk to her," Todd insisted.  
"What?"  
"Mona's being weird," Todd explained. "She's being all passive aggressive."

"Mona?" Dirk reached out, brushing his fingers along the sides of the coffee jar, and it relaxed into a Panic Pete doll. Dirk smiled, cradling her against him, and looked up at Todd.   
"What do you mean passive aggressive?"  
"Well she was an unopenable coffee jar today. And she's been weird for weeks. I think she's jealous."  
"Jealous?" Dirk asked, now constructing a small blanket nest for Mona and placing the stress toy within it.   
"I think she likes you and she's mad I'm dating you."

"She's my sister Todd, you're being paranoid."  
"But..." Todd frowned. "She's being weird. And it's not like she's really your-"  
The look Dirk gave him made him very quickly reconsider ending that sentence the way it was going to. He cleared his throat, managing an embarrassed smile before he spoke. "I mean, she's not really used to sharing you."

"That doesn't mean she... Todd, honestly, I can promise you Mona doesn't think about me that way. She doesn't think of anyone that way. You're being paranoid." There was a harsh edge to Dirk's tone now, one that warned Todd not to poke at this particular topic any more if he wanted to still be sleeping in the same bed as Dirk. He decided he did, and pushed it aside. 

At least if Dirk knew Mona was acting strangely, he'd know to keep an eye out for her. He went to fetch them some actual drinks, but as he left the room he heard Dirk speaking gently to the doll.  
"You have to be nice to Todd, Mona. He means a lot to me." 

Todd lingered for a moment on the steps to hear what was said before he headed back to fetching coffee. When he returned to the bedroom Dirk was dozing, and Mona was a nightlight sparkling gently. If he thought she glowed red for a moment, he was just being paranoid.

***

Mona had a spare room, the office, space in Farah's apartment, and various drawers that she could sleep in. Generally Todd asked her to stay out of the bedroom when he and Dirk were sleeping, but he knew that sometimes she wanted to be a nightlight and Dirk benefited from having her close. It was weird, fucking your boyfriend when his little sister was within arm's reach, but Dirk didn't seem overly bothered by it and Todd wasn't entirely sure he'd win if he asked Dirk to choose between the two of them. He wasn't even sure if he'd deserve to win if he did ask that.

Mona had been staying close to Dirk all day, and now she was a nightlight. Dirk had promised Todd that Mona couldn't exactly sense things when she was an object, and had been quite comfortable cuddling up, so Todd had decided to trust Dirk's judgement. 

Now, he was beginning to doze, laying back on the bed beside Dirk - who had decided he wanted to wear pyjamas this evening and had pulled them on after they had showered. Dirk smiled across at him, closing his eyes. Todd leaned in to kiss him.  
"You feel so good, babe," he murmured, brushing hair from Dirk's face. Dirk had leaned up, closing the space between them for a kiss.

And then a blanket had settled across Dirk, digging into the mattress between them.  
"Dirk?" Todd frowned, trying to lift the blanket up but it was stubbornly clinging to the mattress, keeping them separate. Todd fumbled for the lamp, flicking it on.  
"Mona?" Dirk asked, sitting up, the blanket still draped over him. It was grey. "Mona, is everything okay?"

The blanket turned bright red, with GO AWAY written on it in black lettering. Todd stared.  
"See, this is what I mean, she's so passive aggressive. I don't know what's wrong with her."  
"Mona, please," Dirk patted the blanket. "Leave Todd alone, you're being unreasonable."  
Todd reached for Dirk, and then yelped as the blanket bristled, spines covering the outer layer. He snatched his hand back, staring at the blanket in horror.   
"Okay, see that's just aggressive-aggressive," he muttered, and Dirk was murmuring to the blanket, trying to calm her down.  
"I'm sleeping on the sofa, it's clear she doesn't want me here." Todd grumpily got to his feet and headed to the sofa in the lounge.

He could hear Dirk mumbling softly behind him, but he didn't want to stay and find out what was wrong.

The sheer unreasonableness of the situation hurt. Todd was trying. He was being patient with Mona, even when she had been acting hostile towards him. He had let her stay in their room, because it mattered to Dirk, and as a result he'd been spiked in the hand.

Todd had deserved a lot of terrible things in his life, and he hadn't always got them. But he didn't deserve this. He was trying to make Dirk comfortable, to do what was right, and he was being punished for it.

Dirk had said that Mona wasn't jealous, that she didn't feel like that, but she'd been stopping him touching Dirk, stopping him getting close. She'd tried to chase him away, and that was after weeks of weirdness. He frowned, trying to remember what had happened. They had kissed, which had happened in front of Mona dozens of times before, and then...  
 _You feel so good, babe_

Sickness filled Todd as he realised why Mona might act that way. If someone had hurt Amanda, had taken advantage, he would have punched them. But if that person had the ability to call up an agency to kidnap her, if that person had the ability to really hurt her if she stepped out of line - then he could see himself trying to be more careful with his actions. Still trying to fight back, but keeping it subtle, keeping Amanda away from danger.

If Amanda was in danger, he'd be aggressive-aggressive. But if that wasn't an option - 

Todd stumbled to the bathroom, retching.

"Todd?" Dirk's voice was gentle, and Todd turned around to find him there, wrapped in a fluffy pink dressing gown that he definitely did not own.   
"Hey Dirk, Mona," Todd whispered, taking a sip of water from the tap and keeping his head down, not knowing what to say.  
"We heard you being sick, are you okay?"  
"I'm..." Todd started to say, and then shook his head, sitting down on the side of the bathtub. "Would you two go and wait on the sofa, I'll be with you in a minute, I just need some water." 

Dirk's dressing gown became a cup. If it was possible for a cup to look apologetic, this one did.  
"Thank you Mona, but it's alright. I think Dirk needs you at the moment any way," he explained, watching as Dirk picked up the cup and cuddled it to his chest, Todd moving to one side so that Dirk wasn't crowded. Dirk shushed the cup, carrying her through to the living room.

When Todd managed to pull himself together enough to join them, he found that Mona had turned into a small teddy bear with sad eyes, that was curled up in Dirk's lap. Dirk was snuggling her to him, but he looked up at Todd with a smile.  
"I'm sorry about that," he murmured. "There was just a slight misunderstanding."  
"Mona?" Todd asked and tried not to flinch when the teddy bear lifted its head to look straight at him. "Sweetheart, why don't you turn into a human for a little bit? Just because we need to talk to you, and I would like to be able to see your face so that I can see if you're sad, can you do that?"

The teddy bear disappeared, Mona sitting beside Dirk on the couch. Todd hesitated, not sure which side he should sit down on. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or trapped, but he also didn't want her to feel left out. He decided to sit with Dirk between them, but angled himself towards her, trying to give her a reassuring smile.  
"Now, first of all Mona, I want to promise that you aren't in trouble or anything okay? I think we had a misunderstanding, but I'm not mad at you at all. You're Dirk's favourite little sister, and he's not mad either.”

Mona nodded, fidgeting with the edge of her skirt, her head down and feet swinging slightly where she was sitting. Todd wasn't quite sure if she was actually being smaller than normal, or if it was just that her nervousness made her seem to be.

"You've been trying to protect Dirk, haven't you?" Todd asked, and she nodded enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around herself.  
"He's my friend," she answered softly. "My best friend. I want him safe."  
"You are very brave Mona," Dirk murmured, and now he was wiping at his own face, trying to blink back tears and failing utterly.  
"You are,” Todd agreed. “But I wouldn't hurt Dirk, so you don't need to protect him."  
"I do!" she whined. "I saw you! I was a thing but I still saw it-"

"Mona?" Dirk asked softly. "You like cuddles, don't you?"  
"Yeah, but that wasn't cuddling, that was bad."  
"No, I know sweetie, we can talk about that in a bit. But you like cuddles. You like when I cuddle you." Mona nodded and Dirk continued. "But you wouldn't want Mister Priest to cuddle you, would you?"  
"No!" She crossed her arms and shook her head. "I don't want him to touch me at all!"  
"That's right sweetheart," Dirk agreed, leaning forwards to nuzzle his face against hers. "You don't like it when certain people cuddle you, but you like cuddles from me and from Todd, and Farah, and Tina, and Amanda-"  
"And Hobbs!" Mona added with a grin. "He's tickly."  
"Yes, exactly!" Dirk brightened, smiling at her. "Well, what's with me and Todd is... a little bit like that. We are dating, and we like doing it, so that's okay, but if anyone else ever tried to make me do it it would be bad and I would be unhappy, does that make sense?"  
"I guess..." She shrugged a little. "I don't like it though. It hurts. Hugs don't hurt, even hugs from Mister Priest don't hurt unless he uses his nails and that was painful but normally they're just a bit squishy which isn't fun but isn't bad either-"  
"I know sweetheart." Dirk sighed, cuddling her close, and Todd watched the two of them, feeling a little powerless. "And I know you don't... you don't want to ever kiss or sleep with anyone-"  
"I like being a teddy bear for you!" she argued, and Dirk giggled.  
"I know, I'm sorry, I used the wrong word. You don't want to have sex with people. But for some people, like me and Todd, it can feel nice. Not all the time, just if we're with the right person. And Todd's the right person for me, Todd's wonderful."

"So he wasn't hurting you?" Mona asked curiously, her head to one side, nibbling on her lip. She was thinking hard, Todd could see that.  
"He wasn't. He was making me feel nice."  
"Oh," she murmured, ducking her head down. "I'm sorry that I was mean, Todd. Thank you for making Dirk feel nice."

"That's okay," Todd answered with a smile, reaching out and patting Mona on the head. "You were doing what you thought was right. If I had been hurting Dirk, I would have wanted you to hurt me."

"Even though it would have hurt you?" Mona asked softly. "Because you like Dirk, and you want him not hurt?"  
"Yes," Todd agreed, managing a smile which she returned.  
"Okay, that makes sense. Thank you for explaining it." She smiled up at him, bobbing slightly from side to side where she was sat. "That is good. I'm glad you like him."  
"I like Dirk a lot," Todd agreed, rubbing his head. "Did... Why would ..." He knew the answer, but he was hoping it wasn't true. "Mona, did people hurt you?"

She nodded slowly, snuggling into Dirk's side.  
"Sometimes they let me see Dirk after, but not all of the time, sometimes they were mean and didn't let me which was sad."  
"They were mean to you," Dirk agreed, pressing a kiss into her hair and looking up at Todd, his own expression serious. "It wasn't your fault Mona, you didn't mean for any of it to happen."

She nodded, snuggling up more and looking at Todd.  
"So I don't have to be mad at Todd any more?"  
"You don't have to be mad at Todd any more," Dirk confirmed, and Mona faded, allowing herself to turn into a Panic Pete doll, because that felt soothing to her. Dirk held her cupped in his hands, and looked at Todd.   
"She... got abused?"

Dirk nodded slowly. "Some of the people in Blackwing... didn't see any of us as human. But she..." He shook his head.  
"How could they?" Todd snarled. "She was just a kid."  
He stared as the doll in Dirk's hands disappeared, to be replaced a couple of moments later by Trent Reznor. Todd blinked for a moment, finding his face heating up slightly at the sight of the singer he'd had a crush on for years, and then Trent was gone and the doll was back.  
"She... can be anyone. Anything." Dirk sighed, hugging the doll between both of his hands. "They didn't see her as a child. They saw her as a tool." He closed his eyes. "This is my fault. I should have known it would be confusing for her, should have worked out she would want to talk about it, but I got caught up in what was easy for me. I was so happy to be in love and to have her here that I never stopped to consider what it would be doing to her."

Todd frowned.  
"It's not your fault Dirk. It's theirs." He leaned against Dirk's shoulder, then paused. "Do you think I could hug her?"  
"She likes hugs from you," Dirk agreed, passing the toy over. Todd cuddled her very gently, then handed her back. 

"Dirk..." Todd hesitated. "I don't mind. Well, I do mind, but not because I'm angry at you. I just want to know if they... if they ever hurt you like that. Because if so... I just... I don't want to accidentally remind you of it. I don't blame you for what they did, but if you were hurt I'm angry that they hurt you, does that make sense?"  
"I think so," Dirk agreed, then frowned a little. "It only happened to me a couple of times. I think... I think Mona sometimes... protected me." He swallowed anxiously.   
"Priest?" Todd asked, thinking of the sheer terror that Dirk had shown when he was faced with the other man.  
"Sadly no," Dirk answered, and Todd stared at him in shock.

"You can't tell me you think that man is attractive!"  
"What? No, Todd, don't be disgusting. I just... suspect it would have hurt less than being tortured. But I wasn't his type. Even Mona wasn't his type, and Mona is everyone's type..." Dirk had managed to shuffle over slightly, so that his head was resting against Todd's chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Todd reached to stroke Dirk's hair, knowing that movement always soothed him. "Unfortunately that particular escape was closed to me."

"Dirk..." Todd sighed. "You shouldn't... say things like that."  
"Why?" Dirk asked. "It was bad Todd. All of it. Things that were less painful were... well, I didn't think I was getting out of there. Avoiding broken bones and weeks in medical was... as good as things got." He was cuddling Mona close to him. "I... I'm sorry if I'm not what you wanted."  
"Dirk, no. Don't make this about you. That's not what I'm saying. I just... don't want you to feel you have to pretend it doesn't matter."

"Riggins was mad when he found out," Dirk whispered. "Mostly at them, but he asked if I'd... if I'd led them on. Because of... because of how I am. But I said I hadn't and he was willing to believe me. I didn't see those guards again. But then... I was always his favourite. He would always protect me. The others though... he wouldn't have cared."

Todd nodded, leaning against Dirk. He didn't know what he could say to that, even though he was even more determined than before to destroy what was left of Blackwing.  
"I'm sorry."  
"It isn't your fault, Todd. I just... didn't want you to be angry at me, or think that it was... well, you know how I am. What I am like, I just..."  
"Dirk, you're gay. That doesn't mean you deserved to be hurt. Not by them, and not by the way Riggins blamed you." Todd brushed Dirk's hair out of his eyes. "I just... I'm angry. And to me, it feels like this is one of the worst things Blackwing could possibly have done." He sighed, seeing Dirk opening his mouth and then thinking better of it. "But I know to you it was different. I just... you can see that it was bad, right? That it shouldn't have happened, not to you or to Mona, or any of you?"  
Dirk nodded, then flashed him a brief smile.

"Bart killed someone when they tried with her."  
"That's good." Todd sighed, wishing they were in bed. This was a very serious conversation to be having at this time of the day, when he was utterly exhausted. He just wanted to sleep, or to hide from the conversation, but Dirk needed to talk about this. He would get through this, and then they would be able to curl up in bed. And things would be a little different. He no longer thought that Dirk was inexperienced entirely before he'd ended up with him. But he knew what had happened before didn't count, didn't matter. What mattered now was the fact that they were together, that they could look after each other.

Todd squeezed his hand.  
"Think we can go and curl up under our actual blankets now?" Todd asked, and Dirk nodded, his expression a little shaky. He smiled at Todd, and even though he looked nervous as well, he was trying and that gave Todd hope.  
"No one is ever going to hurt Mona like that again," Dirk said firmly, and Todd nodded his agreement.   
"She deserves better. Both of you do. You are good people, Dirk. I won't let anyone hurt you, not if I can help it..." He helped Dirk off the sofa, making his way back to their bed and curling up around him, letting Dirk stroke his hair without complaining for once. 

"She doesn't like being a person because she got hurt that way." Dirk hesitated, then shrugged. "A person is easy to hurt, cats and other animals too. Really, Mister Priest was the only one with the imagination and persistence to try and torture a music box, or a ball of string, or the colour blue."  
"The colour blue?" Todd asked with a frown. Dirk shrugged.  
"She had a conceptual phase." 

"Of course," Todd agreed, wondering at what point this had started to sound normal to him. He wasn't quite sure when this weirdness had become his life, but it had. "You do know, don't you, that you don't have to do things just because I want to."  
"I know," Dirk reassured him. "And I think Mona knows? I'm trying to tell her that she can choose what she is, and only in an emergency she might have to be something, but normally the only thing we want her to be is happy."

"Maybe she could practice?" Todd suggested, reaching out to pat the doll on the head. "If she wants to? We can ask her to be things, and if she doesn't want to be them she can say no."

Dirk looked up at him as though he was the most amazing person ever. Todd was fairly sure he didn't deserve that, but he wanted to make Dirk smile, and this at least had managed that.  
"You are a genius, Todd. Excellent assisting." He leaned in and kissed Todd's cheek, and Todd smiled.   
"You can say no to things too, Dirk."  
"Not paperwork?" Dirk asked with a faint smile.  
"Not paperwork, Farah might kill you. But otherwise. And you can say if you don't want to do something. That's always going to be allowed. I want to know, so that I can help you."

Dirk nodded, and cuddled up against him.  
"I want to hug you, and sleep with your arms around me tonight. If that's alright with you, Todd."  
"I would like that," Todd agreed, and cuddled him close, his arms around Dirk's sides. He was going to have to work on rebuilding the relationship with Mona, because she had been hurt and he'd made her scared. But in time, they were going to get there.


End file.
